Why do I do this job. What would make a person get up in the morning and want to listen to everyone complain. Over and over again about why their lives are so far worse then yours, when you know you had to get up that morning to listen to them in the first place - what could be worse then that!
Not having anything to listen to. Yes. I am a shrink and at this moment I don't even have anyone to listen to. So I talk to myself. Does that make sense? You see, I do have things I am supposed to be doing. I have many things that I am supposed to be applying myself to.
Deadlines. I have them.
Concerns, I have many.
Am I doing anything about it.
No.
Would I advise my patients to be doing what I am doing now.
No.
But I want to tell you what it is like being me. Not that you would care, but I am going to tell you anyway just so that you can get a good look at the rubbish I have to listen to.
What you will read will be unedited. Just as I would hear things from my patients. Raw, straight out of the mouth and most importantly no spell checker in site. If you can't make a word out, hell, it should at least sound like the word I am trying to get at. Use your imagination, but keep with the topic.
If you have questions, ask them. Expect answers - I'll see how I feel. I am not grumpy all of the time just most of the time and sometimes I feel intellectual. That can be stimulating, for me a least.
So far I have I said nothing but I hope you are getting an idea of where I am coming from. I have some time on my hands when "they" don't pitch up for their appointments. Yes, the first irony in psychiatry. Everyone wants you to help them but they do not want to be stigmatised for coming to see a shrink. Wastes my time and does nothing for their condition. But, it gives me time to tell you what I am thinking and a little about them - in all confidence of course. No names, no places and no knowing who the hell I am.
Another day in the life has just presented itself, like this,
There was an anonymous phone call received by the Police from a call box in * (not on * grounds) to the effect that there were 'several bombs at **** Hospital'. The Police assessment of the situation is that this is a hoax call.
It is emphasised that there is no direct reference to ** Hospital. Thus this information should NOT be allowed to disrupt the normal working life of the Hospital and anyone on 'standby' can 'stand down'. The Police and security have checked the grounds.
However, everyone should continue to be sensibly vigilant.
This isn't the first. Yes, people needing help of the mental kind tend to do stupid things. The other weekend, we had the following scenario play itself out. Imagine this.
The entrnace to the psychiatric hospital is guarded by switchboard. As every psychiatric hospital should be, you would think. Yes, a £178 million pound hospital is guarded by one man, or woman who also happens to manage the switchboard. One day, the switchboard operator, stoke security guard is saying prayer, pointing to Mecca and doing the head bowing thing in the general direction of Mecca, is approached by a man requesting something along the lines of, "Hi there, I see you are paying, can I pray with you. On the other side of the gate, of course, we could pray so much better."
"Naturally, two prayers must be better then one, so come come on in!", replies the security/ telecommunications operative.
At the point of opening the gate, our humble guard is threatened with a machette and runs away. Well, I would run to. Who wouldn't. But who can you call now? Even if you were to have witnessed this scene, you couldn't make a phone call from the hospital becuase nobody is on the switchboard to put your call though? Mobile phones are a blessing but are not payed for by the NHS!? The police were called and the grounds searched for the machette wielding man. Our sprinting guard managed to hide and avoid certain injury. The man was found and taken away by the police but the weapon could not be found so he was ultimately released.
Now you would think that was enough for one day. You would be so wrong. Remeber this is my world, the world of psychiatry we are dealing with and nothing ever makes sense.
Later that day the man managed to make his way back to the hospital and managed to regain entry to the property. Where was the switchy-guard this time. Nobody knows. The man found his way to the two oxygen tanks that supply the hospital and start a fire underneath them. In broad day light in a psychiatric hospital, the man set fire to a pile of things he collected, under massive tanks of liquid oxygen. A prelude to a massive disaster. Overted by another mobile phone call to the police and fire department who spend 4 hours dosing the tanks with water to cool them down. Because of the threat to life and limb, sections of the hospital has to be evacuated to the cost of thousands and the inconvenience of everyone. And do you know what. Patients complained. I would have expected them to be upset about the disruption caused. No, the complained that their meals were not warmed up that night because elecricity had been cut during the incident and the kitchens couldn't warm up their food.
Just another weekend.
It is all true. It makes no sense.
Welcome to psychiatry.
We are in for one very peculiar ride.
